Dear Colin,
The trouble with this is that it reads a bit like a list of different
similes --they are like this, they are like that ...and I can't help
thinking the poem would be stronger if you'd decided on one metaphor and
developed it. Or at least chosen comparisons with a common theme- say
animals in a zoo, or types of food, but these seem totally haphazard to me.
Umm, have they all got 'gay' hearts ? I'm wondering what position they're
being interviewed for....
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "Colin dewar" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, August 01, 2003 8:00 PM
Subject: [THE-WORKS] newsub/interview
> Advice on editing please.....
>
>
> On the interview panel
>
> We do not interview people but peacocks
> preened for the occasion.
> Their cold clammy hands
>
> clutch at mine like claws.
> They are like cats or dogs in a shop
> watching with anxious eyes.
>
> We compare them like grey hounds demonstrating form.
> They are like chimps in a lab
> and what we ask of them is awful.
>
> We prod them with questions to see how they respond.
> We poke and pry
> until their mouths open like flowers
>
> to show their gay hearts.
> We put our hands down their throats and squeeze them.
> They are so eager to please.
>
> How their avarice and anger are denied.
> We press them like oranges to the last drip
> searching for the sweetness of ambition
>
> and expel the pith.
> We force them to declare themselves,
> to state their weaknesses
>
> and they expose shell.
> We crack and peel them like prawns
> and they are grilled in the heat
>
> of this narrow, imperial sun.
> We do all this and learn nothing of who they are,
> or why they have come.
>
>
> Colin
>
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