Sue, a good read, but needs a light tweak here or there, perhaps not mine,
but some.
Thanks.
Gary
Night slips its noose around the heart. (a vs its?)
The mind snaps open, questions what? ("What?"
Shadows pool on the stairs.
No one answers. Mirrors stare. (I would do a couple of compound sentences,
get rid of the choppy feel here)
A streetlight reveals a halo, stark,
cold. Nothing stirs
or lives or cares. Remember then (no or)
the last cruel thing you said.
Remember then your mother's face (no then here)
thin as a hatchet, the spirit fled.
Stench of flowers, an organ's piety, (Add the before stench)
pity for ourselves who shall come to this.
Remember a kiss, revel in it,
wet, warm as sun.
Remember your lover, friend, (cut friend?)
taken from your side.
Know the loss, suck it dry, a lemon
on the tongue. Then close your eyes. (and vs then)
A twig scratches, a night bird complains,
a small hopeful thing,
the first sign of dawn, a stir of wings.
Jan Jenifer Lawrence at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html ---
Writer's Hood at http://www.writershood.com/... Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas
sí, balas no!
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