Dear Colin,
I found this much more interesting than the previous poem you posted.
I wonder, however if S2 isn't too expositionary, and if there isn't a more
subtle way to draw parallels between doors and people.
Supposing you omitted S2 and added a little to S1 ? My first thought (and I
don't think it's very good ) is 'I didn't like my colleague'
I think it's usually best to suggest, rather than spell things out.
Apologies if my comments are of no interest to you.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "Colin dewar" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, July 28, 2003 6:45 PM
Subject: [THE-WORKS] newsub/door
> The Door
>
> I didn't like the door when it appeared.
> So I noted how hard it was to use,
> made jokes and sneered,
> and whenever someone else chose
> to speak against it I strongly agreed
> and quoted them for the rest of the day.
> After a while gossip had enough to say.
> I did nothing more than watch
> as another door was put in place.
>
> It could have been a person
> so familiar the unfolded tale,
> malice and mechanism from nowhere
> or so it seemed, the subterranean gene
> suppressed but remembering its origin
> in tribal strife, and how it made its way
> as proxy for original sin.
>
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