Hi Colin,
This really intrigues me! A canny first line that catches my attention, then
neat rhymes (ababaccdd) but then it seems - to me - to lose itself in the
second stanza.
In fact I wonder if it needs the second stanza...
I get a lot from what's going on in the first! Am I right in thinking you're
saying "it's like us" in the second stanza? Could that be inferred, implied,
or said simply, in the first?
Or added into the title?
Hey, I'm starting to play with the title now: "When is a person like a
door?" really appeals to me and adds loads of imaginative ideas to the nine
lines that follow... (but there might be need to mess with things a
little...).
Just an idea. Just letting the poem wander about in its own way, open its
own doors, let it swing on its hanges a bit...
Whaddya think?
Bob
>From: Colin dewar <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: newsub/door
>Date: Mon, 28 Jul 2003 18:45:23 +0100
>
>The Door
>
>I didn't like the door when it appeared.
>So I noted how hard it was to use,
>made jokes and sneered,
>and whenever someone else chose
>to speak against it I strongly agreed
>and quoted them for the rest of the day.
>After a while gossip had enough to say.
>I did nothing more than watch
>as another door was put in place.
>
>It could have been a person
>so familiar the unfolded tale,
>malice and mechanism from nowhere
>or so it seemed, the subterranean gene
>suppressed but remembering its origin
>in tribal strife, and how it made its way
>as proxy for original sin.
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