Hi Sally,
Been reading the martian postcards again, eh?
This is canny, it makesw me chuckle, it makes me wonder too...
I really like this, how it takes me along, surprises me... it's doing a
really good job (IMHO) until the last 3 lines when I sort of feel a tad
dissapointed by the last line... Could it be that the word "alien" has been
used already two lines up, so I'm merely hearing it again? (maybe...) Could
it be that I sort of feel dissapointed that a poem of such strong images
sort of tails away with its last line... (possibly).
So, I'm thinking what/how would I rather it ended? A far stronger line?
probably... something that works the comedy and, as comedy often needs,
presents tragedy... (possibly). I don't know... I'm just thinking...
Bob
>From: Sally Evans <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Alien bards
>Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2003 22:37:53 +0100
>
>
>
>Alien bards
>
>Physical abstract voices add postcards
>of sound to grey-lined portraits on the screen,
>tremble above the lectern. Alien bards
>beam in from another galaxy
>to this receptive planetšs meeting-rooms.
>They use the power of something sonnet-like
>but kill creatures who who compose pantoums.
>Sensors not unlike our inner ear
>and heartbeats of great similarity
>to ours, result in rhymes that mix loud booms
>with treble flutes we can but faintly hear.
>We try to process their sad music, feel
>between its notes and lines its telegraph
>of feeling, fall foul of the tadpole-stuff
>that hops its way along their argument.
>But when we come to study it wešre stumped.
>No key unlocks it, for it has no lock,
>no door - it is a parallel universe.
>Those bards woo us in vain with alien verse
>and so consign us listeners to chaos.
>I wish I had not heard the alien bards.
>
>Sally Evans
>
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