A late reply. As I do sometimes I've made comments in the text of the poem.
Hope this is alright.
bw
James
>From: c s shah <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: NEW:The Fugitive
>Date: Thu, 24 Jul 2003 06:00:39 +0530
>
>The Fugitive
>
>The ox lay on the ground;
>it proved to be the last flog.("flog" horribly out of place here) His eyes
>listless, big-green,
>terror-stricken;
>a layer of liquid
>arrested at precipice; (precipice?)
>the assembled crowd
>mirrored in them. (This whole sentence and your use of the semi-colon needs
>to be looked at again, as the sense starts to get lost. However I know what
>yu atre getting at but not good enough for poetry)
>I ran away,
>afraid to be spotted,
>for the print in those eyes
>could be taken as an evidence
>of involvement in the crime. (This last sentence is good. How about a
>separate stanza)
>--
>
>c s shah
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