but a couple of things don't quite work for me. Firstly, 'speed' in S2, l2:
this word just doesn't fit the languid theme of the poem - perhaps 'pace'
might work better. Secondly, there is a change of tense in S5 (lay) from
present to past. Aside from these details, it defines the word languid most
evocatively. I especially like your ending.
Sarah
Good calls, that lay/lie thing has generated another poem
Thanks
Gary
IF MY MAIL BOUNCES, MAIL [log in to unmask] AS AN ALTERNATIVE.....The homepage
on hold until ???--- Writer's Hood at http://www.writershood.com/.....Check
out the Auden contest. Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
_________________________________________________________________
Tired of spam? Get advanced junk mail protection with MSN 8.
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
|