Dear Bob,
Using the 2nd person in a poem does something very odd to it, I find.
It's interesting that you mention that you're trying to convey a sense of
unusualness, of dislocation, because to me the use of 'you' almost suggests
that it is something that can/does happen to the general 'you', anyone. Also
I get a sort of undercurrent of the imperative 'you' as if this is something
the reader WILL experience, which is a bit off-putting (for me). In a
strange way, the 3rd person seems to be the most self-conscious voice (in a
literary sense).
What if (heheheh)you put it in the 3rd person then, to distance yourself
from the experience of the poem? What would that do to it?
Apologies for going on, but I find this question of person in a poem
fascinating. Amazing how a poem can change by a change of person or
tense -is this another expression of the noun-verb element being the vital
part of a poem?
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, July 20, 2003 1:14 PM
Subject: Re: [THE-WORKS] In Times Such As These
Hi grasshopper,
reply follows your message:
>Dear Bob,
>Have you tried this (I bet you have) in the first person. Seems to me the
>'you' distances it a bit into generality, and yet the strength of this poem
>is the particularity.
>Just a thought.
>Kind regards,
>grasshopper
Yeh, using the 2nd person is a risk, I know. Maybe after discussing using
the "You" voice with Frank the desire to try to write one must have wormed
its way into my mind and stimulated me to try it. I guess I'm also trying to
get a sense of dislocation, of unusualness, to what's going on here. I sort
of felt that the 1st person, the I voice, made the experience seem too
normal, made it seem as if this is just happening to someone like me, the
writer. But isn't he a strange guy if this is what he ends up doing? I
didn't want the reader to feel so distanced from the experience, feel that
it may never happen to you, the reader. I don't know (yet) if it succeeds,
though.
Bob
P.S. (to everyone!)
Sorry the formatting didn't hold! It looks kinda weird on my screen - should
I try again?
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Saturday, July 19, 2003 10:26 AM
>Subject: [THE-WORKS] In Times Such As These
>
>
>One for C & C
>(and I hope the formatting holds - the very short lines are supposed to be
>indented so they begin just below the end of the previous line!)
>
>In Times Such As These
>
>It's high summer, but the weather's unsettled - there are storms -
>and, as instructed, you turn up and walk slowly down a long corridor
>then wait in a room with tall windows where people stand still,
>where you're hoping the light will always pour in,
> and
>there's a whisper -
>though, when you look round, you can't see who's moving, who's nodding,
>and you've always done this, been someone who pauses, wants reassurance,
>a smile like a touch you don't fully recall but felt as a small child
>when your father merely traced your hair and you felt strong.
>
> It is a whisper
>that's been heard by the people around you - him in the corner with
>crutches,
>her with the eye patch, those over there with bandages on their hands -
>the comfort they know in their calm faces, their brave postures,
>so that, even if men stood near them with Uzi's, they wouldn't flinch,
>wouldn't avoid each other's eyes, or look down at the floor.
>
> It is a whisper
>that's heard when the world is like this, one that's so vital to hear,
>one that's louder than paper, that puts announcements in their places,
>that works round the back of those with walkie-talkies, and people grin,
>but you don't know what it's saying, you know you don't need to,
>just knowing it's said is enough, except now you're here
>
> and you see
>some who stare blankly, who you feel sure once felt so certain,
>but now look so see-through you can see their hearts trembling,
>yet you can whisper so they will hear, too - and others stood near them
>may hear what they pass on - that what's whispered elsewhere
>
> is still here.
>
>Bob Cooper
>
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