Hi John,
Welcome.
An interesting poem! The Bach music (and who it was addressed to) and a
courtroom are interesting
when placed side by side. Then there's the person the narrator's writing to
aswell! (My thoughts go to and fro, to and fro...)
Sometimes I feel I want more details (the noises, the smell, the feel of the
seats, where you're waiting and writing!) - but, at other times, I think
"The Bach" is appealing to my senses (but not in the same ways as what the
narrator's physically aware of). But, at other times, I sort of feel it must
be uncomfortable, awkward, bum-numbing, anyway! Do you think more could or
should be said?
I, too, would change the whilst word! Very formal, dated, insensitive in its
tone to what's going on!
But a canny poem!
Bob
PS. Wigan, Eh? 30 years ago I lived in Aspull.
>From: Sandré Clays <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New: Thinking
>Date: Sat, 12 Jul 2003 06:40:57 EDT
>
>From John
>Hello , I am John Clays from Wigan Lancs UK. I am new to this list. This
>is
>my first post. Hope you like. Comments please
>
>My wife Sandré has also joined. As we will be posting from the same
>outlet
>we will try and ensure that it is clear which of us is posting by prefacing
>'From Sandré or John'
>
>
>Thinking….
>
>If you are with me then I am happy,
>nothing more to mention;
>bist du bei mir,*
>
>but it can not be left at that,
>it goes much deeper.
>You know; I know;
>bist du bei mir.
>
> Today you are
>not with me
> and I am
>unhappy, boringly
> doing my
>civic
>duty. We are
> on service
>waiting to be called;
> in the
>knowledge
>that we may
> never be
>called;
>but our mere
> presence
>waiting
>on hand
> is
>sufficient.
>Some will plead
> guilty,
>forced
>by the fact we
> are waiting
>whilst I think
>
>of you,
>bist du bei mir.
>
>John Clays
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