thank you - you are right. It is too expectable and should be first up
against the pencil when the rewrite comes.
Terri )O(
-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]]On
Behalf Of Bob Cooper
Sent: 17 January 2003 19:05
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: sub: If you are good...
i Terri,
Yeh, I really like this!
If I were to quibble I may only point to the line:
"an avalanche of expectations"
and I'm not sure why. It feels weaker. It feels sort of more "normal", more
easy to invest with meaning, more immediate, than the rest. (But this may
just be me, I've seen and heard avalanches...)
I hope I don't keep seeing, remembering, the trigonometry of toenails when
I'm out tonight!
Bob
>From: alderoak <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: sub: If you are good...
>Date: Fri, 17 Jan 2003 16:19:34 -0000
>
>with apologies for absence, a little poem on the subject of discipline from
>a reluctant part-time home-schooler.
>
>
>If you are good…
> For Thomas
>
>
>
>If you are good I will give you
>
>a garden of early spring pokèmon
>a vineyard of ripe bionicles
>a Sosmix of tie-dyed stories
>a twilight of sheepskins
>and a warm wind of dreams.
>
>
>If you are naughty you will get
>
>an avalanche of expectations
>an earache of spinach
>a dustbin-day of directions
>a trigonometry of toe-clippings
>and a nightmare of melted cheese.
>
>
>
>Terri )O(
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