I have made a few suggestions below and comments at the end.

<< Night Blooming Jasmine

 Jasmine stars the night
 the air perfumed
 with dancing daughters
 whose bellies swell
 like the sea below   Why not use a period?  You have caps in the next
sentence; also "like the sea below" I wonder below what?

 He cups her hand
 in hand  a fledgling in a nest
 and scans her shadowed face   period

 A comet arcs above horizon  period
 She wishes upon it period  I think a shooting star would fit better here.

 His eyes tearful                     This stanza becomes  heavy with
sentimentality
 he whispers farewell
 begs forgiveness

 She smells exotic places
 wants to follow him
 wherever thou goest I goest
 wherever thou lodgest I lodgest   This is a direct quote from the book of
Ruth.

 Prayers
 other wishes
 scatter in the night    Why?

 The jasmine still blooms

 Ryfkah 7/7/03 >>

Ryfkah, you have some lovely imagery here, but the poem is sliding into a
kind of mawkish sentimentality, and it would be much better if you could find a
way to tone down this element and let the situation carry the meaning instead.
Your punctuation or rather lack of it is bothersome to me, but it is not that
important.  The sentimentality is.  When you have jasmine, stars, and
perfume, and a lover leaving, etc., the poem is ripe for a fall unless you handle it
deftly. Sue