Hi Bob,
Thanks for your comforting words here. I do worry about using what some
would perceive as distateful words but this poem has been generally well
received on the list which is good. I like your idea about lengthening the
lines to go with the subject of the poem I'd guess, though this was the way
it came out and find for me does not change drastically in revisions. Thanks
as always for your valued comments.
bw
James
>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: Material Evidence
>Date: Wed, 2 Jul 2003 21:28:48 +0000
>
>Hi James,
>Now this makes me chuckle...
>I wonder if it's a difference between rural poetry and urban poetry that
>makes for reservations about using words like "brick shithouse"? To me it
>seems an OK kind of phrase, because it's the kind of street-wise phrase
>that
>belongs to how people talk. And you're playing with the words, stretching
>things like elastic, making us smile. I also like the way your walking in
>this poem - maybe it's when poets appear to be sat down, or standing still,
>that their language appears quieter...
>I'm sure the peson who first coined the phrase, and spent the penny he
>coined, must have been a poet at heart!
>And a question: have you thought of joining lines together, making the poem
>twice its width and half its length?
>Bob
>
>
>>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: New sub: Material Evidence
>>Date: Sat, 28 Jun 2003 10:25:32 +0000
>>
>>I was a little hestant to post this one, though I now have. It was to do
>>with the subject matter though I'm sure you'd all accept that we can write
>>poems about anything. I'd really like to know what people think on this
>>one
>>as it came very unexpected. I can't spell sibilance by the way.
>>
>>MATERIAL EVIDENCE
>>
>>Walk along the crowded road
>>through the heaving market
>>on my way to the river
>>behind this guy who is built
>>like a brick shithouse
>>
>>There is plenty of time
>>to think why I should even
>>consider how this phrase
>>comes to mind while looking
>>at his vast bulk
>>and what an actual
>>brick shithouse would look like
>>
>>I mean - why brick
>>why not tin or pre-stressed concrete -
>>and decide it must be
>>the assonance and slight sybilance of
>>brick shithouse
>>who, by the way
>>wears a t-shirt
>>displaying a WWF wrestler in action
>>and I start to wonder -
>>as panic takes over
>>when I decide to turn an unnecessary corner
>>to at least see daylight again -
>>if such constructions
>>can read minds
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>bw
>>James
>>
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