I am pleased you enjoyed it Shah. I tend to agree with you that it might
enjoy a further haiku in there. Arthur.
----- Original Message -----
From: "c s shah" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, July 03, 2003 4:35 AM
Subject: Re: New Sub: Walking with Alfie ( A Haibun)
> Hello Arthur,
> I liked the poem.
> One point:
> The second prose section "Then the whole valley ... rattle my hood" is a
> bit too long; should be interspersed by one more verse/stanza.
>
> c s shah
> ===============
>
> > arthur seeley wrote:
> >
> > Walking with Alfie. ( A Haibun)
> >
> > This valley is a glacial gouge, I explain, and push my finger through
> > the sand. That mound, where the canal steps down the hillside, is
> > moraine, debris dumped by the glacier, and that one, like a cone, a
> > landslip.
> >
> > My hand peels back
> > millennia.
> > The green land buckles.
> ...
> ...
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