Nice one,

Can I suggest that you omit the speech marks around dupatta and kurta. One
reason is that quite a lot of English speakers will know them and it looks a
bit patronising (and you've adequately catered for the others in your
glossary). Another is that if foreign words look at home, they give a poem
an exotic feel and help the reader to place the poem - in my case I imagined
it happening on New Street, Birmingham, UK but it could equally well be
Bombay.

another suggestion - how about a full stop at the end of the penultimate
line? It would mark the collision/fusion dynamic (the loss of ego boundaries
that is part of falling in love?) more clearly.

Terri )O(

-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]]On
Behalf Of c s shah
Sent: 29 June 2003 14:24
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: NEW:Hand in hand


Hand in hand

In her favorite pink, but not always the pink,
in uncommon shades she was adept at choosing,
with an aura of confidence; no, not misplaced,
I saw her often on my way to the office.
She rode a scooter, scooty as they call here,
risk fully considered, sure she was insured,
she managed to keep the speed at upper limit.
Like a flag of victorious queen, her "dupatta"
flew high above her head, behind her shoulder,
acting as a guideline for her acceleration trick.
And once as I was looking away at a cola ad
she had dashed against my slow-speeding car,
her hair was disheveled and the "kurta" torn,
since then we're together and walk hand in hand.
--

dupatta = scarf
kurta = ladies shirt
--
c s shah