Hi James,
I like the way you're using the binoculars here! (And the pun in the
title!).
I'm wondering, tho, about the 2nd and 3rd stanzas... they feel as if they're
not as focused as what you see (their language is looser!). Maybe it's
because the only thing you mention is the lens - and you're not altogether
writing about the lenses in the pair of binoculars you're using, but saying
something about lenses in a more general way! Could it be that you could say
something about how your eyes feel/work/adjust (whatever!) with the pair you
have in your hands? You might say more, then, with less words!
Bob
>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Vapour Eyes
>Date: Sat, 28 Jun 2003 10:14:43 +0000
>
>VAPOUR EYES
>
>Through binoculars
>I can see heat rise
>as vapour from the river -
>not what you see with
>naked eyes
>
>it's as if we need
>to see some phenomena
>through the filter
>of a lens
>that it would be unseemly
>or unreal
>otherwise
>
>as if nature wants
>to protect our
>dimness of vision
>and prevent it
>going beyond itself
>
>On the flat silklike
>surface of the river nearby
>I see
>a film of floating dirt
>and a few feathers -
>the geese sat together
>on the other side
>ignore everything
>
>Maybe there's something in that
>
>
>
>bw
>James
>
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