Hi Bob,
I think if you like the sound of it it might well be best to trust your ear. I always feel like a bit of a nit-picker when I make grammar comments, although it is important too, of course, if you use it which not everybody does but some do like me, he said.... I´ve lost the end of this sentence so I´ll stop it here.
I´m very interested in the comment you make at the end about your worries over the final line being not accurate in terms of the likely sentence these youths would receive if caught. I must say that I did not read the line in that literal sense at all. I took the simile to describe the sense of emotional release the youths experienced as a result of their destructive behaviour, that for whatever reason they felt this as like being released from some kind of confinement. That, and other positive imagery, is what I was referring to when I mentioned the ambivalent tone of the poem i.e. seeing both the destructiveness and the positive side of their own experience. Now what I find especially interesting is your own concern about the final image being possibly inappropriate in its wider applications such as the actual penalty given for taking and driving and setting fire to. Is it an accepted `rule´ of poetry that an image must be applicable in all its possible connotations? Is it not possible to limit an image to one aspect that is used in a simile whilst others of its aspects might not be applicable? Have I explained what I mean clearly? Unfortunately I shan´t be able to continue this discussion now as I´m signing out today for the summer but if you, and others, are interested I might try to resurect it in the autumn.
Best wishes, Mike
And thanks for the comments, Mike, about the grammar. I’m in a conundrum
now! What you say makes sense – and when I look hard at the poem I can see
what you’re saying. But when I read it aloud, as it is, it also seems to
flow through OK; it seems to make sense too! So I don’t think what I’ve
written is ambigious/misinterpretable – it’s just clumsy.
One of my worries with the poem is the last line… Even though the poem is
about releasing something… youths don’t get sent to prison for stealing cars
so I’m going a little OTT, or offering a simile that isn’t altogether
grounded in their, or our society’s, experience of dealing with offenders. I
am trying to hint that they do this often by mentioning the other wrecks –
so trying to make it appear they might be more persistent offenders and,
therefore, may end up having to serve a sentence for other crimes much later
in life… (H’m, maybe I ought to change the car’s name – and try and get it
published in Saudi Arabia where stealing a hubcap may get you 10 years and
taking a whole car probably puts you away for life!). But I’m still
hesitant, still a tad worried… I’m still thinking this ending through…
Bob
>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Burning The Fiesta
>Date: Sat, 21 Jun 2003 15:11:22 +0000
>
>A "Fiesta" is the name of a small Ford car sold in the UK.
>For C & C:
>
>Burning The Fiesta
>
>They clamber out, high-fiving it and shout,
>one still waving the screwdriver used to open it,
>before they’d hotwired it, revved it until it howled
>and now they’re dancing, turning to kick it
>then set it alight. Their wild eyes calming
>as flames fill the inside, the heat forced out
>and almost embracing them. Such satisfaction,
>the handbrake turns, quick lefts, fast rights,
>the risk and trust to end up where they always arrive
>beside the other wrecks - yesterdays, last weeks -
>and now beneath the black smoke they stand
>like prisoners outside the gate, released.
>
>Bob Cooper
>
>_________________________________________________________________
>Tired of 56k? Get a FREE BT Broadband connection
>http://www.msn.co.uk/specials/btbroadband
_________________________________________________________________
Express yourself with cool emoticons - download MSN Messenger today!
http://www.msn.co.uk/messenger
|
