Hi Shah,
I find this piece a little 'formal' in its tones - not too surprising given
the informality of my own poems. But places like: 'but indicates the anguish
at my failure', I think I'd express quite differently - maybe: but shows my
anguish at failure' - not right, but ... Don't know how to express it
really. "oceanic splendour' is another phrase that nags at me - just what is
that? I think I'd be looking for a different way of describing the splendour
so I had no need to state it.
Cheers,
Frank
> Repentance and Resolve
>
> I won't say 'turn back',
> for you've stepped in search of truth;
> your decision is worthy of support
> even at the cost of separation.
>
> The tear in my eye symbolizes desperation;
> the gloom is not because I am deserted
> but indicates the anguish at my failure
> to partake of the gems you had collected.
>
> Now the teardrop insists on being recognized;
> (Now the teardrop insists to be recognized;)
> is anxious to merge with oceanic splendour,
> and dreams to become a pearl deep down
> in the womb of one receptive oyster.
> --
>
> c s shah
>
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