This mail was returned to me although I couldn´t see anything wrong with the address. Anyway, I´m sending it again, just in case it didn´t get through before.
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
Hello Shah,
Thanks for your feedback. Regarding the simile of the sentence written in shifting sands, this describes only the slippery quality of the rock. It is the rock which withstands the flood, tide etc, at least at the literal level. It is worth considering though, whether a simile used for one aspect of a thing should be allowed to contradict another quality of the same thing, and maybe that is the point you´re making. I will certainly give it consideration. Does anyone else know whether this is a basic rule of poetry which I am trangressing here?
Best wishes, Mike
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
Hi Mike,
Overall a satisfactory work; the expected defiance comes out nicely.
One or two points:
> The thing itself is cold and wet, and slippery
> as a sentence written in shifting sands,
Here the simile appears to be inappropriate -
a "sentence" would not withstand the tide/flood/ etc.;
words on the sands are meant to disappear with time.
> And though the elevation´s not so high,
would be better as
> And though the elevation is not so high,
thanks,
c s shah
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