Hi shah,
I like the simple language, simple story of this! I see what's going on. I
enjoy the surprise of the ending. You just show me what's there when you
wake, I discover the feelings for myself, I can imagie the conversation, see
the smiles...
Like others I'm not happy with the word "adamant" - and "soar" should be
"sore" I guess?
Maybe the title's the weakest part of the poem for me. Titles ain't easy.
Maybe this title's pointing too strongly at the conclusion of the poem...
Bob
>From: c s shah <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: NEW: Recovery
>Date: Sat, 21 Jun 2003 09:51:20 +0530
>
>(The) Recovery
>
>The doctor left, but she coughed and struggled
>for her breath; I searched for the inhaler
>and she pointed towards the pillow.
>
>With "salbutamol", steroids, and steam,
>I kept the "nebulizer" ready for the night,
>these asthma attacks are adamant at times.
>
>It was difficult to say who was more tired;
>my back was soar from sitting on the chair,
>and she was exhausted in semi-reclined posture.
>
>Soon she appeared to breathe with some ease
>and my fatigue gave way to a late night doze;
>I dreamt of fresh air, trees and open meadows.
>
>A sound of cough, mild but definite,
>woke me up; she stood there -
>the breakfast was warm and tea poured.
>--
>
>" " medical terms
>c s shah
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