Gary,
I appreciate the suggestions;
they are helpful.
c s shah
=========
Gary Blankenship wrote:
>
> CS, thoughts;
>
> She was short of breath
> from climbing steep hillock; (add a the)
> sweat added lustre
> to her flushed face.
>
> Attractions were too many (add Her)
> for him to paint in one stroke:
> dangling tuft of silky hair (tufts)
> and slimness of waist (, vs and)
> losing their curvature (her vs their)
> in straightness of neck.
>
> The canvas still holds true
> but remains half painted,
> for colour dried fast that day (no for)
> in the warmth of their embrace.
>
> Thanks.
>
> Gary
>
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