Dear Shah,
I'm just leapfrogging on Christina's reply, because I agree with all the
changes she suggests, and with that edit, I think the poem works very well,
in a wry, understated way.
Kind regards,
  grasshopper



----- Original Message -----
From: Christina Fletcher
Subject: Re: [THE-WORKS] NEW: It's same either way


I like what you're saying here very much, CS.  It's really delightful, funny
and tragic (?) too.  Now, here comes the problem and it goes back to
something Bob said a long time ago and I argued against.   It's to do with
articles/the absence of articles.  If you're going to omit the article for
the rabbit, I think you need to omit it for the hat too because I think the
reader needs to hear a constant voice.  I've a few thoughts below to be
chucked in the bin if they don't seem appropriate to you.
bw
christina




It's same either way

You came in my life (into)
like a magician, but
the problem remained,
albeit it changed its form. (albeit in a changed form/although it changed
form/in a different form?)
We sobbed in silence   (not keen on sobbed - maybe wept?)
and in silence we laughed;
you said rabbit is illusory  (you said the rabbit is an illusion)
and I said so is the hat.
--

c s shah