Hi James,
A very personal and reflective piece! It's made me think... eventually about
balance.
And I'm thinking, in the first stanza, if the last two lines were swopped
around - but I'm also wondering if "the vagaries of the heart" isn't too
vague... so I might mess it a little and have:
as winter turns into spring
to answer the vagaries of my heart." (But that's still a bit vague... but
seems better IMHO - more personal!)
Then I'm wondering if the second stanza is a command: ie "I must/I will look
again," - or if it is a plea:
"I should look again..."
And the tone of the whole piece seems very, very, distant - it sounds as if
you're a long way away from the river, that your boots haven't any trace of
mud on them anymore. And I'm wondering if you indicate in the poem that it's
written when - as it where - your boots were still muddy! If its reflection
was more directly associated with being there and wondering what it would be
like to not go there... Perhaps I'm remembering a statement once made by
Robert Frost:
"Everything written is as good as it is dramatic. It need not declare itself
in form but it is drama or nothing." (and it's the last 6 words I'm hearing
him say very loudly... I always get the impression he shouted things!")
And I'm wondering if your boots might play a more dramatic part in the poem!
Maybe a title: WHILE UNLACING MY BOOTS, and maybe in the first lines of the
poem... Getting them in at the start, as well as the end, may help the
balance of the poem. It's a big change I'm suggesting, one that affects the
tone of the whole piece, but what do you think?
Bob

>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: As Winter Breaks Into Spring
>Date: Sat, 14 Jun 2003 13:40:23 +0000
>
>Another river poem. Don't seem to be able to help myself.
>
>AS WINTER BREAKS INTO SPRING
>
>There will come a time when
>I will not return to this river
>and engage in the role of supplicant,
>as familiarity can breed the less
>than ordinary - this could be a
>carlessness on my part as I am
>pulled in one direction or another
>in answer to the vagaries of the heart
>as winter bursts into spring.
>
>Look again, see and feel
>the booted heel that denies
>a start to healing thought
>contained within those daily
>meditations that do not sink
>creation in the shallows of life.
>
>
>bw
>James
>
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