Hi James,

Wondered if this couldn't be put a little more present tense eg:

I watch (as) Karuizawa slide(s)
away and the window view become(s)
paddy field[s] and foothills full of gingko

Nice feel to these pieces.

Cheers,

Frank

>
> ON THE TRAIN TO KUMERO
>
> Settled at last in a window seat
> I watch as Karuizawa slides
> away and the window view becomes
> paddy field and foothills full of gingko
> foliage that clothe the furthest reaches
> of Mount Asama's mighty bulk.
> Today it puffs out stray whifs
> of smoke as continued suggestion that
> greater power sleeps within
> its black volcanic rock.
>
> On the seats alongside us
> some Japanese ladies cannot contain
> their mirth any longer at the sight
> of a gaijin with a beard
> and wearing a Panama hat
> while travelling on the local train to Kumero;
> a town that does not exist
> in official guides and on tourist maps.
>
> The ladies' fans would flap harder
> if they knew I'd slept last night
> in comfort on futon and tatami.
> The ladies mirthful fans would
> reach a frenzy if they also knew
> I'd made this train journey before,
> a few days ago, when I ate
> two plates of yaki soba at a favoured restaurant
> and bought my Panama hat
> at a men's outfitters in Kumero.
>
>
>
> bw
> James
>
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