blue-tit is an ample metaphorical bird for a segue into a discussion of mother's milk.
I am not sure that "infinitely" is a good way to described "flustered". Its lack of specificity seems to diminish the image of "flustered" at least for me.
"gape and gulp of demand" - very vivid and effective.
I am curious about what seems to me to be the random placement of the repetion of the mother's milk phrases. What was your motivation for their placement? My eye immediately wants to set it as a theme like a symphonic signature at least once in the beginning, so as to prepare the reader for the hook.
The imagery of a caterpillar/moth transformation being allegorical (by juxtaposition) to the milk-feeding(rearing) of children into their eventual transformation into awareness is quite alluring. Even though I don't usually want to think too much about the taste of mother's milk, it seems you have handled this topic in an artistic manner well suited for this lovely presentation.
The more I read this poem; the more I like it. And the more the apparent assymetry seems to make sense.
--
--------- Original Message ---------
DATE: Fri, 13 Jun 2003 17:44:17
From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Cc:
>Thoughts from the hide.
>
>He watches a blue-tit feeding
>its young, the fledgling a blur
>and gape and gulp of demand,
>the adult bird infinitely flustered.
>If a bird can frown, it frowns,
>and seeps invisible sweat.
>The tongue knows only four tastes,
>salt , like re-routed tears,
>acid, a dry suck of lemon,
>bitter, the exudate of brilliant beetles,
>and sweet like a strawberry shake
>or his mother's milk
>which he does not remember
>but for which he feels suddenly grateful.
>
>The blue-tit flies off to seek another bug,
>another fat curl of caterpillar,
>which will be as satisfying
>as his mother's milk,
>which he cannot remember.
>The first flavour on his tongue
>apart from its own familar saliva,
>was the taste of his mother's milk
>which he cannot remember
>but for which he is suddenly grateful.
>
>The bird returns with a moth
>as pale as milk, or moonlight.
>The fledgling swallows it with a bulge
>of eyeballs, then gapes again.
>
> grasshopper
>
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