Hello Arthur,
I put this one aside a few days ago and have just got round to looking at it more carefully. My first impression was that it was a bit muddled, but that was clearly the result of my poor reading. On closer examination I have to say that there is much that I like here. I have already deleted the other comments that came in but I have a vague memory that you may have said you were reworking it (?) Anyway, I like the collection of images you have chosen and they sit well together i.e. unity. I get the pun on rec. in the last line and I imagine the green fingers can be both the children´s fingers stained by the sweets and gardners working in the park area. Am I right? If so I feel that this last one may be a bit forced, maybe. Of course, gardners do dig up the earth and pull out dead plants so maybe I´m being over fussy, which (as a little aside) is one of the drawbacks of `trying´ to crit a poem, but there you go. On the whole, I think it works well.
Best wishes, Mike
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
continuum
magpies wreck
the corpse of Christmas
strip the pale cage
an orange digger
pecks at rafter- ribs
as the old school
melts into lorries
by the post office
a child tears open sweets
green fingers
prise the Rec. apart
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