Hello Christina,
                 I´ve looked quickly at the new draft as well and I have to say that I think I prefer this first one. I would make one suggestion for changing the sentence structure though. What about placing a fullstop after `lobby´ in line 2, then remove the fullstop after `open´ in line 4 so that `cool stone´s welcome´ etc extends the catalogue of things you find. This might also help with the stanza break here because as it stands at the moment `cool stone´s welcome´ is a bit cut off from the rest of its `sentence´ (which lacks a verb!). What do you think? I find the whole poem very satisfying.


Best wishes,   Mike



--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---





            San Vicente Martir


            This is our last hour. Baggage stored
            in the lobby, nothing to do, we drift
            into San Vicente: the first time we've passed
            to find doors open. Cool stone's welcome,

            the ease of pews, queues for confession,
            piped Vivaldi. A short nun on a ladder
            lights six tall candles with a single match.
            There have been millions of masses

            since consecration: rivers of wine and holy water,
            mountains of wafers, sins absolved,
            Christ's blood and body swallowed.
            Outside, the square's full of town sparrows

            regurgitating crumbs to feed their young.
            We'll cross the mouth of the Nervio
            on a hanging platform, catch the bus to Guernica
            to find more bells and birdsong.






            christina fletcher