Nice picture, Bob. Not quite sure about over-emphasis of "you" alongside
"them" (the waiters). Should it be "we"? perhaps it's "everyone" and "you"
that doesnt go well.
or could it be
aware of an absence like music
you will feel sorrow ? that line is a strong statement.
I like "people your age" because that is actually third person, too!
bw
SallyE
on 3/6/03 5:52 pm, Bob Cooper at [log in to unmask] wrote:
> What, yet another one for C & C? H'm, the fingers have been busy of late...
> Makes a change? Yeh!
>
> Lunchtime in Don Juan’s
>
> Beyond the plate-glass window and door
> you’ll become aware of an absence like music
> and you will feel sorrow. Everyone will lean
> toward each other - but tablecloths,
> bowls of soup, spoons, will keep them
> apart. And what does it matter
> if people your age chew things over
> slowly, mumble, ignore the waiters
> who balance plates, tread well-worn routines -
> such youthful deftness, eyes like bright coins,
> brief smiles, no stains on their fingers or cuffs.
>
> Bob Cooper
>
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