Hello again Grasshopper,
                         Picking up Bob´s final point here, would it work if the penultimate line read `resolved into song as if there were blackbirds´ ? (I´m assuming blackbirds do sing, but I´m no ornithologist).
I don´t know if it was a blip in the system but on my machine the phrase `she shrugged´ appeared on a line of its own. Should it be so? One other small thing that I noticed - and it may well just be me - was the phrase `high fluting´ in line 3 which I can´t help myself reading as `high-faluttin´ Yep, it probably is just me. You evoke the scene and the time well. I´m not so sure that life really was so simple back then but it certainly often appears that way looking back...maybe.


Best wishes,   Mike



--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
Hi Grasshopper,
Great to see what yr finger's have clicked on! It works well for me - the
details seem to be how I recall things... how you describe the mug, how you
mention what should have been private in the next room, and the enigmatic
"cheese thief" (wonderful detail - that makes me realise how this poem is
inviting me into a world where such things can be remembered and said
without any explanation!). It gets me so easily to how I feel about my
experiences too, makes me remember details, people, small incidents...
I sort of feel, however, that the last statement, about the blackbirds and
crows, seems too much of a summing up with it being a seperate sentance. Is
there a way of slightly softening it's impact by maybe including an "and"
(with or without a Cap, maybe following on from the last phrase, maybe a
comma, maybe a dash - no, not a dash, that's abrupt, too - maybe... well,
just try things and see!) before the "There" - whaddya think?
Bob


>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Sasha's Mug
>Date: Mon, 2 Jun 2003 05:26:42 +0100
>
>             Sasha's Mug
>
>
>Sasha had a special mug with a fault
>in the firing, which sang when it was filled.
>It cheered us all up, that high fluting note
>from the shiny caramel china.
>I remember sitting with her, earnestly discussing
>the Wife of Bath,or Donne's Devotions,
>while Welsh Mary's bed thumped against the wall
>next door because her boyfriend was visiting.
>'Not much to look at, but his family is loaded'
>she shrugged.
>                         Those regular bangs and the sound
>of Sashas mug, occasional calls down the corridor
>for carbon paper or the cheese-thief's name,
>a glug of kettle-fill from the communal kitchen.
>Life was so simple then. The flaws in the glaze
>resolved into song. There were always blackbirds
>outside the window, never crows.
>
>                             grasshopper

_________________________________________________________________
Find a cheaper internet access deal - choose one to suit you.
http://www.msn.co.uk/internetaccess