Hi Mike,
I really get a feel for this place. I've one or two small "nits" I'll put
alongside the text. But first to say I like the way the last stanza works:
the way the things you mention get smaller and smaller - and then there's
the sea!
The subscribed quote works well for me, too. Adds depths, primes the
imagination, sets me up for the poem...
Bob
>From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: The Modern Age
>Date: Wed, 28 May 2003 16:36:00 +0300
>
>The Modern Age
>
>I am on my way to the region that is not a place.
> Paavo Haavikko, trans. Anselm Hollo
>
>The medieval mists have evaporated
>and the marsh has been drained
>in the interests of efficiency.
>Palaces of glass and steel stand
>where stagnant water once stood.
>There are no eternal beings here
>where stockbrokers and company directors
>follow the eternal laws of economics.
>
>The night is barely a breath
>between the hammer strokes of day. (NOT JUST "THE DAY" - HOW ABOUT "DAYS"?)
>Main line trains rush like chariots
>in heroic tales to their destinations; (WE KNOW THEIR GOING TO
>"DESTINATIONS" - SO, COULD YOU ADD SOMETHING LIKE THEIR SOUND TO KEEP THE
>LINE ABOUT THE SAME LENGTH?
>commuters flood the streets on their way
>to do battle with rising costs and damp
>while for some there´s lunch, then golf at three. (NOT SURE ABOUT THIS FULL
>STOP - AND "YET" IS A DIFFICULT WORD - VERY ABRUPT, OTHER WORDS, LIKE
>"WHILE" OR "THEN" SOUND SOFTER... OR "THOUGH THE MARSH BIRDS STILL FLY
>UP..." OR SOMETHING...)
>Yet the marsh birds still fly up at sunset.
>
>But I am about to leave this poem
>and journey to the region that is not a place,
>where sunlight slides up the face of crystal towers,
>mounts the backs of suburban houses
>and fills the morning coffee cups.
>Insects clutch a trembling blade
>to drink the dew. The sea
>is not so far away, and waiting.
>
>
>
>
>Mike
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