Hi Sue,
Yeh, (chuckle-chuckle) the old old story! cannily telt, here, tho, cannily
telt!
Neat form for the content IMHO. It let's subtleties stay slightly hidden -
then "pow" they grab you!
A couple of questions, tho...
Mire & quicksand: mire feels a sort of smelly word to me, and quicksand
feels sort of dry-sounding (but I don't think I've ever been near quicksand
- so I could be totally wrong, it might be really sniffy, mirey)
and the inversion of "lips kissless" was really noticable on first reading
- sounds ultra sibilant too! (a tad too sibillant?) (H'm... "s" sounds are
difficult in poems, ain't they just!)
Bob
>From: Sue Scalf <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new: An Old Story
>Date: Tue, 27 May 2003 11:39:40 EDT
>
>An Old Story
>
>One little bite of the apple
>one little kiss,
>what is wrong with this
>says the serpent's hiss.
>
>Temptation beguiles
>leans toward desire
>though we try to outstep
>the longings that mire
>
>us in quicksand, besmirch
>all we are. Yet, my dear,
>when it has been so long
>and my lips kissless have gone
>
>and your arms are there,
>it is hard to turn away
>from apples that shine
>red, and round, and sweet.
>
>A universe can come and go
>while our lips meet.
>
>Sue Scalf
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