Thanks for the thoughtful suggestions.
kol tuv, Ryfkah
In a message dated 05.24.03 11:16:08 AM, [log in to unmask] writes:
<< What a smashing beginning, Ryf'. I love 'Laps slapped' and all the slappy
rhyme that follows. Very sensual, catchy beginning. I'm not sure about 'that
done her wrong' - the song itself feels slightly intrusive to me and that
detracts from your poem. Also not entirely sure about 'war dozes' but that's
probably just a personal reaction since I prefer revelry as the ending.
bw
christina >>
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