Hi james,
Yearning for the river - lovely and reflective of my own reassurance from
being close to the Bay here in Melbourne.
Soem thoughts as I scan the poem.
In S1 you have both 'timeliness' and 'time'. I wonder about changing one of
them, also wonder if 'time has passed/since you saw it last' is redundant
given the opening line.
S2 - I find this a difficult stanza to follow james. The following extract
is an example of my difficulty - I just didn't get it. '... who/co-exist -
you not how/this is unchanged'. As a specific, I thought 'who' is a touch
formal for the relationship aspect, but that's a small thing and reflects my
own vernacular (I fink).
S3 - I wondered about possible rearrangeemnt of : 'what is craved/you
realise can be close/to craven - sometime a haven' along the lines of:
craving can be close
to craven - sometime a haven
Anyway, just some thoughts.
Cheers,
Frank
>
> CRAVING
>
> You have craved the river
> wanted the timelessness
> undisturbed by its wild
> by its calm - time has passed
> since you saw it last
>
> Now you see the contours
> a soft flow at low time
> river and sea birds who
> co-exist - you not how
> this is unchanged
> are hit by its wildness
> in thin summer clothes
> are happy to be drawn in
> begin the relationship
> all over with no give and take
> no win win - no on message
> onside online just in time
>
> only the tide changes daily
> you revel in a heathen
> awe - what is craved
> you realise can be close
> to craven - sometime a haven
>
>
>
> bw
> James
>
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