Hi David,
I don´t have your original version of this in front of me, but as far as I remember I think the rewrite is not as good as the original. My feeling is that you are overworking some of these painful images. If you are planning to work on this further I think it might be a good idea to return to the first version as your starting point. But this is just my feeling, of course.
Best wishes, Mike
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
I walk pathways of my mind
alone, trudging in thick blood
and fluids of damage.
Memories in photographs,
nailed to the walls inside my skull,
stagger inspiration.
I walk pathways of my mind
alone, weaving through
crowds of faceless souls.
Heartbreak thoughts shatter,
love cuts, as barbed wires
slip through my fists.
I walk pathways of my mind
alone, weak from pushing
myself out of the way.
Life, organic paint, drips
on ornaments constricted
by the timelessness of stone.
I walk pathways of my mind
alone, numbed by drugs,
given, taken, to ease pain.
Victimizers scream to all the
disconnected creatures
afraid of feeling betrayed.
I walk pathways of my mind
alone, never!
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