Hi Mike,
An afterword!
Because I also recognise that I’m really messing a lot with your second
stanza – and you “might” think I’m altering the poem too much!
I guess, in that stanza, you’re starting to let the water/stream metaphor
get suppressed, or modified, by the notion of desire – and I’m wanting to
say “Let the image play itself all through the poem!”
I guess, therefore, when you write “like a stream…” you’re diminishing the
image too much for me: the image is being manipulated and its real presence
in the poem is changed – and diminished. I guess I’m writing as if the
stream is as real as their feelings (and why shouldn't it be?). I'm wanting
one to easily mean the same as the other, the water in the poem and their
desire become as real as each other. Know whadda mean?
Bob
>> >From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
>> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>> >To: [log in to unmask]
>> >Subject: new sub: Desire
>> >Date: Wed, 7 May 2003 10:04:55 +0300
>> >
>> >Desire
>> >
>> >Their desire flowed like a stream;
>> >here the surface rippled and splashed,
>> >refracting sunlight,
>> >there it ran smooth and deep.
>> >In places it ran underground
>> >as an underground spring might feed a well
>> >or chill the air with a dampness like fear.
>> >
>> >He stood on the bankside,
>> >dipped bare feet in the flow
>> >but slaked his thirst from furtive buckets.
>> >There was no battle, no tears, yet she was hurt.
>> >She spoke Janus words, turning in the doorway
>> >like a stream turned from its course,
>> >and observed him, puzzled, dowsing.
>> >
>> >He knew something was lacking.
>> >Later he called it confidence,
>> >finally a form of trust.
>> >
>> >There had been a desire, fear, a lack;
>> >the scrape of furniture, click of a lock,
>> >a key alone on the table.
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >Mike
>>
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