Hello Ryfkah,
             At first reading the opening comparison seems an odd one to whisper to a lover, but perhaps that´s the point. I´ll have to try it sometime and see what reaction I get (!). Considering it further I began to think that the feel of rubbing against the pile of a fine carpet may well resemble the feel of a nipple (up to a point, I mean) but it´s still an odd comparison to voice, even in subdued tones, during a moment of passion.
I liked the whole soft, subdued, dreamy tone and rhythm of the poem. One linguistic question: does the sky silhouette with bats? I mean, is that preposition right? surely the sky silhouettes bats.


Best wishes,   Mike




--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
Trust


The soft of your nipple feels better
than the touch of a Persian
silk rug   he murmurs
She dangles her amber hair
like a veiled woman
He promises paradise like
cherry blossoms in spring

The sky silhouettes with bats
late returning birds
They brush finger to finger
gentle as the dusk light
He kisses her third eye
She sighs
wonders if trust is possible

Ryfkah 5/10/03