Hello Sally,
Thanks for your reaction to this piece. There seems to be a split in opinion about the change in imagery in the final lines, some like it, others not. For myself I can´t see any way to retain the stream since the desire/stream has been lost. Introducing other sources of water will confuse the issue, I fear. Oh, well.
Best wishes, Mike
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
the poem flows well but the last two lines change theimages too much for me:
perhaps there's some way of keeping in the river/water image: eg a flood
seeps under a door, or a marsh a pothole or something
bw
SallyE
on 7/5/03 8:04 am, Mike Horwood at [log in to unmask] wrote:
> Desire
>
> Their desire flowed like a stream;
> here the surface rippled and splashed,
> refracting sunlight,
> there it ran smooth and deep.
> In places it ran underground
> as an underground spring might feed a well
> or chill the air with a dampness like fear.
>
> He stood on the bankside,
> dipped bare feet in the flow
> but slaked his thirst from furtive buckets.
> There was no battle, no tears, yet she was hurt.
> She spoke Janus words, turning in the doorway
> like a stream turned from its course,
> and observed him, puzzled, dowsing.
>
> He knew something was lacking.
> Later he called it confidence,
> finally a form of trust.
>
> There had been a desire, fear, a lack;
> the scrape of furniture, click of a lock,
> a key alone on the table.
>
>
>
>
> Mike
|