Hello Barbara,
              Thanks for your feedback and comments. `hidden spring´ is a good idea. It avoids the repetition of `underground´. I´ll bear it in mind although I rather wanted `underground´ for its associations and the repetition didn´t disturb me, but others have commented on it. `Janus words` you ask about. Janus was the Roman god of beginnings and endings, and of gateways/doorways and had two faces, one looking to the past, one to the future. He is also associated with battles since he intervened to save Rome from attack on one occassion and was subsequently called on for support when Rome was threatened. The significance of `Janus words´ then is; two-faced, transition (an end and therefore a beginning of something different), conflict (not open, but there nonetheless) and a doorway (`turning in the doorway´ = departure). Regarding your suggestion drowning/dowsing, I think dowsing has to stay here. The idea is that `he´ has lost the water supply. Sounds odd, doesn´t it?
Glad you enjoyed the poem.



Best wishes,   Mike





--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---

Ohh, Mike, I loved this.  Just the right amount of everything, tension,
undercurrent, sadness, desire.

The last verse was a wonderful diversion from the whole picture of the
stream.  The poem written metaphorically, then ending back in real life.
Full of scenes and concrete images.

There were only three places as I read, that I thought, I'd use a different
word.  They are no big deal as it may be simply the difference in taste but I
mention them just the same in case they make sense to you.  It's not that
what you used is wrong, more that I found I wanted a different sound on my
tongue.

Nicely done,
Barbara Ostrander

> Desire
>
> Their desire flowed like a stream;
> here the surface rippled and splashed,
> refracting sunlight,
> there it ran smooth and deep.
> In places it ran underground
> as an underground spring might feed a well **hidden spring maybe?
> or chill the air with a dampness like fear.
>
> He stood on the bankside,
> dipped bare feet in the flow
> but slaked his thirst from furtive buckets.
> There was no battle, no tears, yet she was hurt.
> She spoke Janus words, turning in the doorway**what are Janus words?
> like a stream turned from its course,***river instead of stream again
> and observed him, puzzled, dowsing.***dowsing or drowning?
>
> He knew something was lacking.
> Later he called it confidence,
> finally a form of trust.
>
> There had been a desire, fear, a lack;
> the scrape of furniture, click of a lock,
> a key alone on the table.***perfect ending...
>
>
>
>
> Mike
>