Hi Mike,
I'm a little ambivalent about this poem. There's stuff I like and stuff I
don't. The tone is one used by an older generation of poets now dead, Auden,
MacNiece etc. Cringed at "Janus words" but I loved the end and the "lack"
"lock" part rhyme at the end. Maybe a reworking would allow the poem you
want to emerge.
bw
James
>From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new sub: Desire
>Date: Wed, 7 May 2003 10:04:55 +0300
>
>Desire
>
>Their desire flowed like a stream;
>here the surface rippled and splashed,
>refracting sunlight,
>there it ran smooth and deep.
>In places it ran underground
>as an underground spring might feed a well
>or chill the air with a dampness like fear.
>
>He stood on the bankside,
>dipped bare feet in the flow
>but slaked his thirst from furtive buckets.
>There was no battle, no tears, yet she was hurt.
>She spoke Janus words, turning in the doorway
>like a stream turned from its course,
>and observed him, puzzled, dowsing.
>
>He knew something was lacking.
>Later he called it confidence,
>finally a form of trust.
>
>There had been a desire, fear, a lack;
>the scrape of furniture, click of a lock,
>a key alone on the table.
>
>
>
>
>Mike
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