Hi Gary,

Thanks for comments.

I'll think about the caps - it can't hurt to have them, I don't suppose LOL.
I am still concerned about one stanza - I made changes in response to some
valid crit and now am not comfortable with the changes yet.

How does it read - ok, I think.  I'm a little immune to audience response
while I'm reading, but I think it was ok. It's a shame that direct feedback
can't be offered usually at readings - because the next act is on and
because  of natural reticence, I think. Much of the local poetry community
are pretty fragile folk and not used to subjecting their work for crit, or
knowing how to deal with it when received, consequently the only comments
tend to come in mutters and/or an invite to be a feature somewhere, wometime
(suggetsing approval LOL).

So I don't really know Gary, I wish I did.

Frank


----- Original Message -----
From: "Gary Blankenship" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, May 07, 2003 2:06 AM
Subject: Re: Sub - a book of evenings #5 - tuesday at emile's


> Frank, I almost want this to end at
>
> he walks home
> almost a stagger
> he has left his glasses
> behind at emile's
>
> (I would cap Emile, Tuesday and the regular proper nouns.)
>
> But your end is better, though I almost wish the next 2 S were removed.
>
> all he can think of
> is the sound of gunfire
> that annoyed him
> in a movie last night
> until he turned the television off
>
> and the image of a leg
> to and fro
> in a vivid red shoe
>
> But in the end, your end  works best.
>
> next tuesday
> perhaps
> he might speak to emile
> for the evening was ruined
> his solitude broken
> she had no right
> emile should have prevented
> and what was her name
> has she been there before
>
> she needs to be taught
> something of decorum
> and perhaps
> if he sees her again
> at emile's
> he might take the time
> to inform her
>
> BTW I like your use of ellipses to relay words not important
>
> to demonstrate that ...
> ...
> in a proof that will stand
>
> VG work.  How does it perform?
>
> Thanks.
>
> Gary