This is a villanelle and I rather like it. It's a rite of passage these days
to do the trad forms, and why not, it's good discipline. I'd go with Sally
on the difficulties of the form, the slight jarring effect you can get, but
I think you've partly off set this with enjambment. Every time I write a
villanelle I always go back to one of the best in the English language "Do
Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" to see how I'm doing. Thomas uses the
five metric foot form but four is trad too if you've read the books that
tell you these things. A good poem Phillip, much better in this draft.
bw
James
>From: Philip Burton <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new submission: THE SIGHT OF AUTUMN (second draft)
>Date: Thu, 2 Jan 2003 20:18:56 +0000
>
>THE SIGHT OF AUTUMN…. (second draft)
>
> - a villanelle
>
>
>As I am red-green colour-blind -
>or ‘colour challenged’ be it said.
>You think I will be left behind
>
>when a palette of hues, unkind
>as showy Autumn’s, rears its head.
>As I am red-green colour-blind
>
>you think that russets must incline
>to show me nothing much instead?
>You think I will be left behind.
>
>But in my canopy of mind
>bright green communicates as red.
>As I am red-green colour-blind
>
>I can see olive green enshrined
>in pale brown that, to you, is dead.
>You think I will be left behind
>
>by October leaves, yet I find
>them charming, uncomplicated.
>As I am red-green colour-blind
>you think I will be left behind.
>
>
>
>
>
>_________________________________________________________________
>Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online
>http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963
_________________________________________________________________
STOP MORE SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE*
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
|