Motherness is such a universal problem, Ryfkah, and this poem goes right to
the heart of it. My sister in law recently really shocked me by complaining
bitterly to me about her mother, whom I have known for a long time, yet I
can see they are alike, and I thought, if my daughter is liable to complain
about me like that, I would rather not be close to her... But mother-in-law
>is< getting to the dementia stage, adn she >might< say something like that, she
already keeps saying that she has no grandchildren, and that probably drives
my sister-in-law crazy. It's all too difficult!
I like the image of the lilac best, the lilac I remember in my childhood
somehow "belonged" to my mother, whereas, say, the aconites, "belonged" to
me... don't ask me why.
Thanks for the read
SallyE
on 4/5/03 4:15 pm, Ryfkah * at [log in to unmask] wrote:
> I am not my mother
>
> I throw away some of her
> threadbare towels
> that once belonged to my grandmother
> the demanding mother-in-law
> my mother hated
>
> I am not my mother
> The lilac tree perfumed
> our yard purple every May
> I purchase a few lilac sprigs
> their price dear
>
> I am not my mother
> I save her knickknacks
> the Dresden iceskater
> my father gave her
> because they met
> at the Ice Arena in Chicago
> the elves and miniature houses
> just because they were hers
> One elf gets shattered in the laundry
> stuck between the towels
> I wash
> thinking I'm going to keep them
>
> I am not my mother
> I wonder what my daughters
> are doing for me for Mother's
> Day Whether they remember
>
> I am not my mother
> Her picture on my nightstand
> I want to talk with her
> but she clearly said
> even though ailing from dementia
> You're loudmouthed
> dirty and that is why your
> husband left
>
> I am not my mother
> My mother cried a lot
> My father yelled at her
> a lot I did not want to cry
> but cried too when my husband
> yelled at me
>
> I am not my mother
> Bedroom doors were always
> open Mine is always closed
> I know someone now
> who knows me
> a grown woman
> perfect like lilacs in May
>
> I am not my mother
>
> Ryfkah 5/3/03
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