I am not my mother

I throw away some of her
threadbare towels
that once belonged to my grandmother
the demanding mother-in-law
my mother hated

I am not my mother
The lilac tree perfumed
our yard purple every May
I purchase a few lilac sprigs
their price dear

I am not my mother
I save her knickknacks
the Dresden iceskater
my father gave her
because they met
at the Ice Arena in Chicago
the elves and miniature houses
just because they were hers
One elf gets shattered in the laundry
stuck between the towels
I wash
thinking I'm going to keep them

I am not my mother
I wonder what my daughters
are doing for me for Mother's
Day   Whether they remember

I am not my mother
Her picture on my nightstand
I want to talk with her
but she clearly said
even though ailing from dementia
    You're loudmouthed
    dirty and that is why your
    husband left

I am not my mother
My mother cried a lot
My father yelled at her
a lot  I did not want to cry
but cried too when my husband
yelled at me

I am not my mother
Bedroom doors were always
open   Mine is always closed
I know someone now
who knows me
a grown woman
perfect like lilacs in May

I am not my mother

Ryfkah 5/3/03