I think you are a very wise bug and I'm inclined to follow your instinct
and my own and leave the poem as it is, though probably with some
modification as it was literaly written in five minutes with only a little
moderation for presentation here.
bw
James
>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: Five Minutes
>Date: Sat, 11 Jan 2003 14:57:29 -0000
>
>Dear James,
>I am fascinated to see how this turns out as a sonnet. I suspect it has
>gone
>too far as free verse to adapt to the sonnet form- it may be like trying to
>stuff it into corsets. I feel there's a point, like the point in the
>development of an embryo when the form of a poem is determined.
>I think of it a bit like learning a language. You have to try for the point
>when you're thinking in the language, rather than translating. I'm sure
>some
>free verse can be translated into a sonnet, but would imagine it's better
>to
>think of the sonnet form as early as possible.
>So, as I said, I'm intrigued to see how this works out. Please keep us
>posted.
>Kind regards,
> grasshopper
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Saturday, January 11, 2003 12:03 PM
>Subject: [THE-WORKS] New sub: Five Minutes
>
>
> > I haven't posted much new stuff recently as time seems to be against me
>and
> > poems themselves get jotted into my notebook very quickly. This is an
> > example of the time constraint. C&C welcome. I think this could develop
>into
> > a sonnet if it isn't already sans many of the said requirements other
>than
> > the concentrated thought.
> >
> > FIVE MINUTES
> >
> > Only five minutes to go
> > to write it down before you return
> > and foget how the sun hit the sand
> > on the bank at the opposite bank
> > and a tornado jet flew low
> > and blasted the silence with sound
> > and where for long seconds after
> > all the birds contained themselves
> > in silence with only a tickle
> > of movement of water against the bank
> > and a snipe with a seasonal long midday
> > shadow darts past a breeding pair
> > of lapwings in a phase of busyness.
> > Five minutes pass and life returns
> > to the river normal.....
> >
> >
> > bw
> > James
> >
> >
> >
> >
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