ryfkah,
lovely poem.
a few notes:
you have many -- too many? -- articles in this poem, esp towards the end.
perhaps the only thing that really bothers me, is "fetch" -- i don't know
why, but it stands out for me ... the simpler "bring" would sound more
natural, IMO
very nice ending. it has something peaceful.
michi
http://members.chello.at/michaela.a.gabriel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"deeds cannot dream what dreams can do" --
e. e. cummings
----- Original Message -----
From: Ryfkah * <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, May 03, 2003 8:16 PM
Subject: New: MindWorks
> MindWorks
>
> the storm like a conga's
> cadence on the roof
>
> sleep hours fetch
> no dreams no answers
>
> just the occasional
> stirring to timbales
>
> angels cleave the heavens
> the sea severs
>
> morning becomes
> the sun stands still
>
> Ryfkah 5/3/03
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