Hi Christina,
I like what you have done here in terms of technique and particularly like
how you have ran things on between stanzas (ok - enjambment). However, while
not decrying the centrality of domesticity to our lives I'm not a big fan of
domestic poems unless they have an edge to them and this is where it feel
this poem doesn't make it for me. Here you are, a brilliant poet and
professional artist down on your knees. There's something fantastic and
surreal about that for all of us, like when I made curry last night and
filled the dishwasher. I think your poem starts to be interesting here in
the last line. I'm spending time on this one coz you are a bloody good poet
and I think you could build another from the fabric of this lesser one. Hope
this helps.
bw
James
>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: On My Knees (first draft)
>Date: Sat, 3 May 2003 04:37:09 EDT
>
>
>
> On My Knees
>
> with a cloth, I am my mother - cleaner of spills,
> scrubber of specks of dry Whiskas jelly;
>
> smelling as a detective smells; praying for sunshine
> not for myself, but for the washing.
>
> I am the destroyer
> who sings as she sucks dust mites with her Dyson,
>
> or sweeps away crushed sweet digestive crumbs
> and sprays stains with Silver Sir
>
> until it's all so spick and span you can eat anything that falls
> fearlessly, knowing
>
> all's safe and well
> unless you're a germ or something very small that crawls.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> christina fletcher
>
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