I thought grasshopper's comments so correct regarding this poem that I
will simply echo them..
Carl
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Dear michi,
I enjoyed this a lot - very atmospheric.
However, I would consider omitting the following parts,:
In S2
This is the texture of death,
the threat of your extinction
(seems heavy-handed to me,compared to the rest of the poem)
In S5
This is it
(seems a bit flip in context, and I can't see it adds anything to the
strophe)
The other thing I'd reconsider is the hanging 'always' at the end, which
strikes me as overly contrived.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
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