Hi again, Bob.

It's a conundrum isn't it? I too like to 'wander' around in my viewing and
in my description. I've a number of changes to make, but they are to the
detail, rather than the substance.

Have to see how it turns out. My reason for posting was because there was a
prospect of publication for the piece, but that may have fallen through now,
so I don't suppose any of it matters all that much in the scheme of things.
Thanks for reading and comments. Aprreciated.

Cheers,

Frank
----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, April 30, 2003 5:53 AM
Subject: Re: Sub - cockle bay 19/08/02


> Hi Frank,
> Sorry, in clearing out my in-box I must have already pushed out your poem!
> Shame on me! So I'm piggybacking on a reply.
> And I agree with Christina's comments! That whole section seems to have
too
> many words...
> But the whole wander-about mood of the whole piece, and the movements from
> seeing big things to the very small, reminds me what such times are like.
> Bob
>
>
>
>
>
>
> >From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Re: Sub - cockle bay 19/08/02
> >Date: Thu, 24 Apr 2003 14:26:25 EDT
> >
> >It's an interesting read, Faustus.  It feels slow and laid back.  It's
> >difficult to know what else to say about it.  I think iv. stands in its
own
> >right, perhaps with the odd bit of fiddling but it works well in the
> >context
> >of the rest too. Some of the language feels a bit heavy handed to me:
lines
> >like 'we have speculated the means and the cause of the breakage' ' no
> >blood
> >is evident in the detritus' but it also seems to give the piece its pace,
> >so
> >perhaps that's your intention.
> >Mention of mental institutions in the Netherlands fills me with
curiousity.
> >bw
> >c
> >
> >
> > > cockle bay 19/08/02
> > >
> > > i
> > >
> > > peter told me he'd dreamed I said
> > > that I hadn't come all this way
> > > to pay big money for flash restaurant food
> > > and of course that's exactly what I did say
> > > he thought that was eerie
> > > perhaps he knows me too well
> > >
> > > ii
> > >
> > > there is sunshine bathing cockle bay
> > > and the exhibition area
> > > we are comparing the paved corzo-style expanse
> > > that leads to the waters of this little bay
> > > with the south-bank-on-the-yarra that we are more familiar with
> > > an intricate set of water-paths spirals below ground level
> > > children and parents walk and play
> > > down and around
> > > then up
> > > all the time trying to avoid getting feet wet
> > >
> > > a young girl-woman is cavorting with a child
> > > her pants up-turned from ankles to knees in an arresting fashion
> > > breasts tantalisingly close to exposure in a strapless top
> > > moving fluidly beneath flimsy materials as she risks
> > > over-balance and a revelatory experience
> > > while tottering on clumsy heels
> > >
> > > disaster averted it is time to move on
> > >
> > > iii
> > >
> > > this bay hardly qualifies as scenic
> > > though designed to capture people and to facilitate movement
> > > suspended roadways encircle and intrude sound
> > > while skyscrapers form a solid and stark raised-perimeter to the east
> > > nearby building facades are a touch arse-end industrial
> > > and all the colour seems to come from people passing
> > > two girls - arm-in-arm and backpacks - strolling
> > > couples     families     singles     seagulls
> > > we two stand in the centre hardly knowing where to turn
> > >
> > > iv
> > >
> > > this morning a plate-glass window on the fourth level
> > > has been shattered outwards
> > > the area is cordoned-off and the tasks of clean-up and replacement
> > > will take the whole of the day
> > > diesel noise from the miniature cherry-picker is a constant grumble
> > > of echoes across around and enfolding communal areas and walkways
> > >
> > > we have speculated the means and the cause of the breakage
> > > this being the site for a conference on mental health
> > > makes a half-joke and a half-relief
> > > to note that  no blood is evident in the detritus
> > > and debris of reflective fragments of glass
> > > even though the jagged cavity above us is approximately man-size
> > >
> > > somebody said it was a bird
> > >
> > > v
> > >
> > > the diesel has stopped and the sun is disappearing
> > > I have heard enough about the mental institutions of the netherlands
> > > the systems introduced into malmo fifteen years ago
> > > the optimistic poverty of india and the basket-case that remains
romania
> > > it is time to return to the hotel room for a nap before official
> >functions
> > > and the burble of social rounds that will fill the evening
> > >
> > > ~
> > >
> >
> >
>
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Get Hotmail on your mobile phone http://www.msn.co.uk/mobile