Hi Bob,
Thanks for comments. It's been an interesting piece to work on. Had a good
reception when I read it the other night, but I felt I wanted a little more
threat in my reading - particularly the end. Think I also have to make sure
I don't tell folk it's being read to just what it's about - keep em guessing
LOL.
I've made a few changes, need a few more, but all in all it seems like it
will turn out ok.
The slow pace is an interesting thing that, I think, relates also to the
prose/poetry debate, in a way. What I really aim for is to tell a story, and
I think thta sometimes that process needs to be allowed to unwind at a
slower pace than might be aimed for in a straight poem. I've indicated
previously, though, that I'm uncomfortable with the notion of writing prose,
so there's perhaps a little tension in terms of what kind of writing is it
and what should a reader expect when they start reading. Interesting.
Cheers,
Frank
----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, April 29, 2003 9:10 PM
Subject: Re: sub - exercises in control
> Hi Frank,
> This is really great. You get your characters so well.
> And the slow pace, the pauses, the (deliberate) way you control us as
> readers - because we know the end, we know it! - yet you just keep on at
the
> same slow deliberate pace... and I feel I don't want to hurry through the
> poem either!
> Part of me, tho, doesn't need the last two stanzas! Yet part of me does!
I'm
> in two minds...
> But that might be because I don't know dogs! (It might be that a dog
owner,
> someone who appreciates their ways much better than I, might say "They're
> describing the moment just right!"). I also sort of felt the allusion to
> thunder may be accurate, but may be too much (I sort of feel - and I sense
> you don't have to feel close to a dog to know this -that we all know too
> well what the sound is like!).
> Bob
>
>
>
>
>
> >From: Frank Faust <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: sub - exercises in control
> >Date: Mon, 28 Apr 2003 19:56:36 +1000
> >
> >exercises in control
> >
> >he calls the dog to stand
> >sit
> >roll over
> >on the outside table
> >
> >he makes him stay
> >while he walks across
> >to a bag on a hook
> >on the wall
> >takes a treat and breaks off a bite
> >throws to the dog
> >for a catch on the fly
> >and a wide-tooth tongue-lolling grin
> >
> >he shakes the left
> >and the right
> >shows how obedience works
> >with a part of the treat
> >placed under the nose
> >only touched on command
> >when released
> >by a word
> >
> >he pats the pit-bull
> >big thumps
> >and the dog just smiles
> >all over his face
> >again
> >
> >both are happy
> >
> >she comes to the door
> >and she's talking
> >the dog
> >seems not quite to notice
> >the man does not respond
> >for awhile
> >
> >but she keeps talking
> >he grunts something
> >just a sound she cannot have heard
> >for she keeps talking
> >he tells her in clear terms
> >the answer to her question
> >he has learned he may need
> >to raise his voice
> >
> >but she keeps talking
> >about the same thing and the same thing
> >she keeps saying the same thing
> >until he shouts
> >and he tells her what a fool she is
> >can she not
> >please please be quiet
> >he can't hear himself think
> >and she might drive him crazy
> >
> >she falls quiet
> >for a moment
> >in a way
> >but not quite entirely
> >for now there is sobbing
> >from just over
> >behind his left shoulder
> >
> >she is sorry
> >she can't help it
> >she didn't mean to be trouble
> >he says that's ok
> >but she needs to try harder
> >she repeats herself
> >doesn't listen
> >he says
> >sometimes he can't stand it
> >anymore
> >can't stand her
> >anymore
> >
> >then she quiets
> >and she asks him a question
> >follows with another
> >on the same theme
> >a slight variation and her own suggestion
> >about the answer
> >that sets her to think out
> >fast and aloud
> >
> >and asks him
> >the same thing once again
> >until he holds his head
> >in both hands
> >and believes he might cry
> >he might scream
> >he might break down a wall
> >or the fence
> >he doesn't dare
> >to let himself speak
> >
> >but the hair
> >on the back of the dog
> >rises rough
> >in the centre
> >of a line that runs
> >all the way to his tail
> >
> >he growls
> >a low growl
> >that does not show at all
> >on the outside
> >but rolls out like slow thunder
> >
> >he watches her
> >and waits
> >
> >~
>
>
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