Dear michi,
Think about the words 'threat of extinction'. As the subject of the poem
has put stones in her pocket in order to commit suicide -in what sense are
they a' threat' ?
The reason people have pointed this passage out is because it is a piece
of intrusive commentary that the poem doesn't need. The reader will know
it's about suicide without you underlining it twice.
Your poem is yours to do with as you wish, but sometimes we become
attached to parts of our poems for the wrong reasons
Christina, who is it who said, re revising poems, we should always sacrifice
our darlings? That phrase has stuck with me ever sense I read it.
I think it may mean that if we are particularly pleased with a line or
too,that part is proabaly too 'poetical' for the good of the poem as a
whole.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "michaela a. gabriel" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, May 01, 2003 11:12 AM
Subject: Re: [THE-WORKS] New sub: Virginia / bob
> thank you, bob, for your close read.
>
> as i said in previous replies, some seem to find "This is the texture of
> death / the threat of your extinction" a bit difficult, or heavy. but i do
> want to keep this.
>
> cheers,
>
> michi
>
>
>
> > >
> > >
> > >Virginia
> > >
> > >One stone, two stones, three stones,
> > >chosen like lovers, each caressed
> > >beneath a sullen oak.
> > >
> > >They will go down with you,
> > >smooth and heavy, and cool
> > >as winter cheeks(.)
> > (>This is the texture of death,
> > >the threat of your extinction)
> > >carried in pinafore pockets,
> > >river-bound.
> > >
> > >Weightlessness is a dream,
> > (>a promise for the aftermath,)
> > >as you drag your body
> > >halfway across a shallow stream,
> > >step by deliberate step.
> > >
> > >You look life in the face,
> > >no longer envy those
> > >who never had to strangle
> > >voices in the dark,
> > >who do not fear the hours.
> > >
> > And I might start this next line with "And"! (Adds to the drama!!)
> > >This is it. Your silhouette eclipses
> > >an innocent sun, then you're gone.
> > >One shoe slips off, one shoe
> > >choosing to float while you sink
> > >to a room of your own,
> > >a bed complete with flowers
> > >ignorant of light, (masters
> > >of danses macabres.)
> > >
> > >The river is silent, Virginia,
> > >always.
> > >
> > >
> > >mag03>
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