In a message dated 04.29.03 12:45:25 PM, [log in to unmask] writes:
<< Hi Ryfkah,
I love the rhythm of the first stanza (I keep saying the words over and over
to myself) - the other stanzas work in the same way too - but I just love
the way of the sound!
I'm not yet sure - a lot later in the piece - if I can go along with the
word "exudes" - but I'm enjoying imagining what may happen after the poem
has ended!
As another thought... if the first stanza were in the past tense would that
not, ever so subtly, put the reader more into the present moment of the
poem?
Bob >>
Thanks for the suggestions; I like the idea of past tense there.
I don't know why exudes bothers some; I like its sound and force.
kol tuv, Ryfkah :-)
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